Back in my 20s whenever I thought about the Kama Sutra, I recalled the little kit a boyfriend once bought me. It contained a feather duster, some kind of powder, love balm, and a little bit of oil. I remember feeling exotic, like I was traveling back in time to ancient India while using these special love life enhancers. At that time I didn’t know much about the real Kama Sutra, the text written in the 3rd century A.D. I thought it was a book all about crazy sexual positions.
Come to find out that the Kama Sutra is a guide to not only sexuality but also to themes involving training in the arts and intimacy. This guide can be important for cultivating and sustaining connection while you are in the middle of conscious babymaking.
Yeah, many of us have waited a long time to make a baby, for that magical moment where the condom purposefully gets left bedside or the birth control pill stops. That glorious instant when our partner gets to ejaculate in us. For some, like same sex couples, that moment doesn’t exist; their baby making journey usually has to be a more medical one. Nonetheless most couples will tell you that conception after a while of trying —whether using Western reproductive medicine or the natural way—just doesn’t have quite the love connection it once had.
Timing, procedures, fears, stressors all have a way of stripping the connection out of this loving process. What can you do to get it back? Listen to the advice of the Kama Sutra on the 64 Arts of Seduction. Here are five ways to get started:
1. Compose poems. I know it sounds corny, but who couldn’t listen to or read a poem written by your beloved—maybe even one texted in the afternoon in preparation for connection later that day or evening. Bringing romance back to love making can warm the heart of any person. Here’s an example:
Did the rose
Ever open its heart
And give to this world
It felt the encouragement of light.
From “The Gift” by Hafiz
Translated by Daniel Ladinsky
2. Sing. If you can’t compose your own verses, why not sing an existing song to your lover? Or sing together with your lover. It is said that the original crooner, Rudy Vallee, required mounted police to help contain the women at his Vaudeville shows around 1928. If you can add an instrument to the singing, even better. This doesn’t just apply to men. I often get remarks from my partner that he misses me playing the guitar. Here are some lyrics to one of my favorite songs:
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid
I have loved you
For a thousand years, I’ll love you for a thousand more
“A Thousand Years,” by Christina Perri
3. Practice the art of making the bed. My initial reaction to this one is, “How complicated can this be?” There are, however, tricks to making a bed sexy. Make sure all your bedding fabrics are super comfortable, made with natural materials such as cotton. Many say Egyptian cotton is the standard of excellence. Colors are also important. Invite romance by choosing bedding in natural colors like beige, creams, peaches, or pink with accents in different shades of red. If you need to spice things up, add more red. Fluffing duvets, adding a throw to the edge of the bed, and stacking pillows add a nice touch. Invite your lover to bed by scattering rose petals on it. Don’t forget the rest of the room because although the bed can be the center of where it all happens, the ambiance in the room—candles, music, no clutter—will certainly help.
“Making love? It’s a communion with a woman. The bed is the holy table. There I find passion—and purification.”
4. Dance. No, you don’t have to perform a belly dance or pole dance for your partner; although how fun would that be? It can be a simple as putting on your favorite tunes and have fun shaking it loose. Start with a slow dance. Try this Marvin Gaye song:
We’re all sensitive people
With so much to give,
Understand me, sugar.
Since we’ve got to be here
I love you — Let’s get it on ….
5. Apply perfumes on body and hair. Use essential oils instead of perfumes because they are non-synthetic and natural. They also awaken the senses, stimulating eros. Try anointing your partner with smells of neroli, ylang-ylang, jasmine, and sandalwood. My personal favorite, rose oil, is great to apply on the vulva.
Some of the these oils above can be quite expensive and are usually diluted in a carrier oil like jojoba oil. You can also add them to sweet almond oil for massage. Here is a recipe:
- Neroli 3-5 drops in massage oil
- Ylang-Ylang 3-4 drops in massage oil
- Jasmine 1-2 drops in massage oil
- Sandalwood 6-10 drops in massage oil
For more information on secrets to enhance intimacy and love connection while trying to conceive, check out my book Conceiving with Love: A whole-body approach to creating intimacy, reigniting passion and increasing fertility (Shambhala Publications, 2019)
Wiesner shares how her multi-faceted approach, culled over 25 years of practice and including yoga, acupuncture and Tantra, has helped thousands of couples reconnect and ultimately conceive. Her methods have been proven for couples using both Western medicine, and those trying to conceive naturally. Wiesner uses acupuncture, herbs and lifestyle suggestions when she works with patients in person, and counsels patients worldwide to improve their fertility.
Denise’s vision is to live in a world where there is no shame around human sexuality, a world in which people are empowered around their health. She believes the next generation, made out of love, will be committed by that love to change the world.