Guest blog by Bailey Gaddis, author of Feng Shui Mommy.
When a large cyst was found in my left ovary, a cyst that might be the first whisper of endometriosis, I felt shame: shame that I might not be able to conceive again, shame that this cyst had grown without my knowledge, shame that I must be broken.
Shame sauntered into that examination room, handed me a cold platter of pity, and said, “Infertility issues, huh? You should probably feel like less of a woman.”
And I did. As I walked out of the clinic I felt like a shaving of the whole woman who had walked in an hour prior. I eyed the other women in the waiting room, wondering what messages shame was feeding them.
After two hours crying in my car, and being the life of a raging pity party, I called bull.
I gave myself a metaphorical slap of “snap out of it” and out loud said, “I’m not less of a woman. I’m a human with a body that gets confused, and a mind that knows how to lead that body back to health. I’ll start by cloaking myself in love and courage.”
I then grabbed a napkin and pen, dug into my training as a hypnotherapist (and a type-A lady who loves lists) and wrote down an exercise to pull myself out of shame and step into that love and courage.
This is what I wrote, and now practice often.
- Close your eyes and envision yourself surrounded by a light of love. The light starts at the top of your head and slowly flows down every inch of your body until you’re fully enveloped in it. The light is shining the brightest from your pelvic area. Breathe the light in and feel it pulsating through your body. When your saturated with the light open your eyes and keep living.
- Now, still filled and surrounded with light, talk with your partner and care provider, together deciding on the best plan of action. Don’t let your intuition be steamrolled; make sure you feel intuitively good about the actions you are going to take.
- Throughout it all, breathe into your emotions.
- Be here, in this present moment. Get in touch with your five senses – what do you see? Hear? Feel? Smell? Taste? Attention to your five senses keeps you out of the thorny land of “what-ifs.”
Bailey Gaddis is the author of Feng Shui Mommy: Creating Balance and Harmony for Blissful Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Motherhood. As a Childbirth Preparation Educator, Birth Doula, and Hypnotherapist who works with pregnant women and their gorgeous offspring everyday, Bailey is fairly certain that “new baby smell” is the most enticing aroma on Earth. Visit her online at http://www.baileygaddis.com.