Guest blog by A’ndrea Reiter, a holistic fertility expert, reiki master and author specializing in a mind-body approach to fertility.
Many times on this journey we feel we are hit with obstacle after obstacle. It can feel like we are trying to climb Mt. Everest in flip-flops. It can feel unfair, unrelenting and we can’t help but wonder, “Why me?”
I see this all the time in my holistic fertility practice. We are on such a mission to get this baby but we keep hitting roadblocks; and most of us being of the Type-A persuasion, push through it and keep fighting to get the outcome that we want.
On the surface that seems like a good thing—and when it comes to our careers etc., it’s served us well. But when it comes to manifesting a baby, it can be a problem.
According to the Law of Attraction, like energy attracts like energy, so whatever energy we are putting out, the Universe has to bring a match to that energy. It’s really hard to catch sometimes when we are in a negative pattern because we think we are focusing on what we want, but really we are focusing on the lack of the thing we want—which brings more lack.
So when we’ve been through a lot of obstacles, we expect more obstacles- so we get more obstacles. We are taught that you have to “try hard and push to get what you want,” but from a Law of Attraction trying brings more trying, pushing brings more things for you to push against.
It’s difficult to see because we want the baby so much we will try to leap over these roadblocks no matter what. The problem is that patterns will repeat in your life until we learn the lessons we’ve signed up for in our lives. If we keep ignoring the lessons, they will keep showing up. The Universe is a faithful friend that way. It’s annoying- but the sooner we can deal with the pattern, the sooner we can move through it. If we ignore it, we are missing a great opportunity for growth, which is really why we’re all here on the planet.
See if you can shift to why this obstacle is happening FOR you instead of TO you—because it is. All energy, “good,” “bad,” and otherwise is happening for our growth and evolution as a person. The more we can embrace it, the faster we move through it.
So what can you do about it? Here are some simple things you can do to shift your energy:
- When we are fighting “what-is” happening, we bring more fighting energy, more lack, more fear, more “this is hard.” We get caught in this energetic loop of negativity and stagnancy. It’s hard to get out of that momentum, but one of the simplest things you can do is to play some calming music or burn some sage or incense to get your mind quieted down; and with your eyes closed ask the question: What is this roadblock trying to show me? Take some deep breaths and repeat the question. Write down your findings and then take an action from there. For example: One of my clients did this and wrote down that her relationship with her husband was suffering because she was obsessed with having sex at the exact right moment, him taking supplements, canceling vacations, planning things around ovulation etc—and it was taking a toll on him, which wasn’t helping her. So her roadblock of him going on a business trip while she was ovulating wasn’t something meant to happen TO her but to show her she can’t force this to happen and that she needed to reconnect with her husband in an organic way. She took action by having a heart to heart with her husband and they agreed to take a couple of months off to go on the trip they originally planned and poof! She was pregnant. The obstacle was a gift to get her to step back, reassess and make a different choice instead of keep forcing something that wasn’t working.
- Take a look at all of the things you are doing for your fertility journey and take stock of why you’re doing what you’re doing. Many times we are doing things like specific supplements, ovulation sticks, reproductive intervention or even things like acupuncture because we feel like we “should.” If we make decisions out of fear, obligation or because others expect us to; and not because we truly feel it’s the best move for us. So take each individual thing that you’re doing separately—close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask, “ Does __________ FEEL good for me to do, or do I feel like I SHOULD do it?” If it’s a “should” consider omitting it for a month. You can always reassess next month. But the important thing is that you do not keep doing things the same way and expect different results. We must begin to choose things that feel good versus making decisions out of fear or distrust.
- Take a break between marathons. Many of you have been on this journey for awhile—some of you for many years. Many of my clients come to me after multiple rounds of IUI or IVF that they did back to back, or they keep trying a new modality every month. They keep pushing, pushing, pushing—mainly because they feel every second counts and that they can’t waste any time or they could miss their opportunity. I totally understand why it feels like you’re running out of time, but if you keep focusing on that, the Universe has to bring a match to that. And your body can’t handle the constant stress forever. You would never run consecutive marathons, because your body needs to have a break in between. You must honor that on the fertility journey as well. In the grand scheme of things, a month or two is nothing. It’s a blip on your timeline. You must honor where you are and spend that time recharging yourself with things that are for YOU (not to get the baby). Do things that light you up, knowing that that is also the work of getting the baby here even though it doesn’t seem like it. I know it’s scary to back off of trying to control the outcome and to not push through it, but that can be the very thing that allows your energy to shift and actually change the outcome.
When multiple obstacles come up, or patterns perpetuate it’s because there’s something we are supposed to learn/grow from. If we keep ignoring it, it will keep repeating. The obstacle IS the path. I promise. I know it’s frustrating and annoying, but when we can embrace it—we can move through it. When we fight it, we stay stuck.
This journey can feel powerless sometimes, but we do have choice in whether or not we move forward. We just have to move from forcing to choosing. It will be a work in progress and you must be compassionate with yourself, but know that you can do this. Making incremental changes like this can shift your energy and your outcome– and you have the power to do that.
Use the situation you’re given as if you’d chosen it and ask yourself, “If I wasn’t in fear, what would feel like a good next move for me?”
All the best on your journeys, mamas.
A’ndrea Reiter is a holistic fertility expert, reiki master and author specializing in a mind-body approach to fertility. She uses a combo of reiki, intuition and mindset coaching to move women through the emotional and physical blocks impeding them from conceiving naturally. Her book, How to Get Pregnant Even When You’ve Tried Everything: A Mind-Body Guide to Fertility is published by Llewellyn Worldwide and is available at Barnes and Noble, and Amazon. A’ndrea has also been published by the Chopra Center, Mind Body Green, The Elephant Journal, Thrive Global and is a regular contributor to Fertility Road Magazine. Though based in Los Angeles, she helps women all over the world achieve their dreams of motherhood. For more info about A’ndrea, visit www.fusionfertility.com and follow on Instagram @fusionfertility