Sometimes the best way to take the stress out of the fertility journey is to connect with others, and one great way to do that is to share a good laugh! We’re building on our special Fertility Circle Series and talking with some of the leading personalities in the fertility field to gather tips, support, and insights on how to stay calm, feel empowered, and maintain positivity during all aspects of the journey.
For the third installment of this special series, we sat down with funny lady Stephanie Jackson – writer, star, and producer of “Does This Baby Make Me Look Fat?” a comedic scripted series chronicling the “magical” path to motherhood.
Stephanie and her husband are currently trying to get pregnant. She is a huge Circle + Bloom fan and a member of our TTC community.
We asked her: If you could only give three tips or strategies for women on the fertility journey, what would they be?
Stephanie Jackson: 3 Tips for Staying Sane, Happy, and Humourous While Trying to Conceive
1. Try Every Fertility Aid You Want
Once you finally decide, “It’s officially time to start trying,” an extensive fertility world is revealed that you were probably not aware of before. Ovulation tests, fertility diets, basal thermometers, soft-cups (don’t get me started…) An overwhelming number of options are at your disposal that promise to help you get your baby – ASAP!
I say try them all. Seriously. Get it out of your system. If you are anything like me, you don’t want people to accuse you of not giving it your best shot. And getting pregnant requires serious strategy if you are at it long enough. So don’t feel badly that you spent $50 of ovulation tests “just to be extra sure” or that you’d rather give a fertility diet a try before heading to the doctor for a Clomid prescription.
The fertility journey can be such an overwhelming process because so much of what you are doing is listening to other’s advice (friends, doctors, psychics) and at the same time trying to listen to your own body and make sense of what feels right to you.
So if you want to skip right to IVF after 3 months of trying – DO IT! Or if you want to not drink alcohol for 4 months straight and then one night crack open a beer without having to explain yourself to your confused husband – GO FOR IT! At the end of the day you are the only one who knows what’s right for you and how you will feel when you get a positive or negative pregnancy test.
Try what you want to try and trust yourself. You’ll know if and when it’s time to change course. And the best part of trying a variety of fertility aids is you can shut anyone up with a “YES!” as soon as they ask, “Have you by any chance tried…?”
2. This Isn’t A Baby Race
For some reason we have this weird ability to turn everything into a competition in “The Race of Life”, often with people we love the most. Promotions, getting married, buying a house, etc. For reasons unknown we have this intense urge not to “fall behind.”
This is especially true when it comes to having kids. Suddenly the friends who were married after you are having their second baby, and you are of course happy for them, but I mean, come on, where’s the fire and oh by the way what pre-natals are you taking?!?
Don’t let the timing of your future baby’s arrival steal your sanity. This is not a race. Nobody wants to hear “it will happen when it’s supposed to happen,” but has that ever really been bad advice?
There are so many times in my life I’ve wanted something to happen so badly I could scream (i.e. why did I never find Mr. Right when I was living in NYC?) But looking back I’m thrilled it unfolded in a completely unexpected way (i.e. because Mr. Right was living in Los Angeles!)
You have to live the life that is happening right now – baby or no baby. You’ll never get this time back and it’s better to enjoy it instead of wishing for it to be different. And life is not the race that we build it up to be.
We all move at different paces and in the big scheme of things it doesn’t matter if your child and your best friend’s child don’t happen to be the same age. Maybe her baby will be old enough to babysit yours when the time comes. Score!
3. Keep Your Sense of Humor
Oof. More clichéd advice I know. However it’s soooooo important!
Much like not getting caught up in the “Baby Race” finding the humor in your fertility journey is going to help you preserve your sanity. Seriously.
Before I started trying to get pregnant I always sensed that the topic of fertility was very secretive and serious (and to be completely honest, probably a little sad.) Imagine my surprise when I found out that it was also a comedy gold mine (which quickly lead me to creating my show “Does This Baby Make Me Look Fat?”).
Sure, there have been frustrating moments. But my husband and I have also laughed A LOT in the past year and a half. And if it takes you awhile to conceive, I guarantee you will find a friend (probably a new one) who would love nothing more than to split a bottle of wine and talk about cervical mucus or what “Sex Week” looks like in her household.
Fertility doesn’t have to be a solemn subject. It’s just a part of life and there’s only so much you can control. But what is in your control is approaching the matter with a sense of humor and lightness.
There will be challenging moments for sure, but it’s better if those are the exception and not the rule. Besides, it’s probably best to hone your sense of humor now. Because after hearing the horror stories of motherhood – we’re all gonna need it!
Stephanie Jackson is a writer, actor and producer living in Los Angeles. She is the creator and star of the digital show, “Does This Baby Make Me Look Fat?”, a comedic scripted series chronicling the “magical” path to motherhood. Stephanie also guest blogs and her humor pieces have been featured on Mommyish, The New Hollywood and Ms. In The Biz. Stephanie has acted on a number of television shows as well, including Up All Night, Chuck and Incredible Crew. To see her work, you can subscribe to Stephanie’s YouTube channel at www.youtube.com/msstephjacksontv.
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