Guest blog by Anna, blogger at tomakeamommy.com.
When I started sharing with people that we were having a “hard time getting pregnant” I couldn’t believe how many people told me if only I’d “just relax” it would happen. They said I needed to stop “stressing out” about getting pregnant. I read fertility blogs and fertility books, and they all told me about how stress was incredibly detrimental to fertility. I tried to yoga “OM” away my stress, I walked, I breathed, I watched TV, I read books, my husband and I went on vacation after vacation, and yet, nothing. Not only was I not pregnant, I was even more stressed! The more I tried to RELAX the more STRESSED I got. I was stressed about being stressed!
Once the “infertility” diagnoses started rolling in – endometriosis, MTHFR mutation, high FSH, diminished ovarian reserve, low AMH, repeated early miscarriages– and the doctors started to say things like “donor eggs,” the stress tripled. I felt like I was broken. My dream- to have a baby made from the genetics of my ancestors – was coming crashing down around me. I was anxious, depressed, and feeling lost on my baby journey. I had hit my “infertility rock-bottom.”
My husband suggested we take a break. For a few months I had a glass of wine when I wanted to, a cheeseburger occasionally, and I didn’t worry about whether I was stressed or not. A magic thing started to happen – no I didn’t get pregnant!- but I started to relax- just a little. By not FOCUSING on relaxing, I was able to focus on other things, like enjoying my life.
We decided that we would convince the doctors to give us one shot of IVF before we agreed to move forward with donor eggs. And we would do ALL THE THINGS we could to prepare. The full fertility diet for both of us with no cheating, cleansing our house and personal care routines of toxins, and every natural fertility healing alternative therapy I could find (acupuncture, hypnotherapy, yoga, dream journaling, energy healing, etc.). I even developed a daily fertility practice that infused fertile efforts into my entire day. People thought I was crazy. My family and friends said- stop stressing! I told them- I’m not stressing, I’m taking action!
This was backed up by some great advice from a fertility guru- you need to feel ALL your feelings, including stress, anxiety, excitement, nervousness, anticipation, joy, hope, etc. There are NO bad emotions. Don’t squash your feelings down- let them out! This was key- I no longer had to be stressed about being stressed- it was OKAY to feel stressed. In fact, it was NORMAL.
Luckily, I found Circle and Bloom’s Natural Cycle for Fertility Program. I had been doing ALL THE THINGS to maximize my health and fertility for about a month and half when I started a new cycle and started listening to the program every night before I went to sleep. Sometimes I would listen to it on my morning bus ride to work as well. I loved the imagery and how I could really SEE the mystery of life unfolding inside me each day.
More than the imagery, the deep full-body relaxation that these short 15-20 minute sessions induced was incredible. I didn’t have to worry about meditating or relaxing during the rest of the day- Circle and Bloom’s program let my body get the complete deep relaxation it needed and managed my “stress” unconsciously. I was passively relaxing and taming the stress reaction in my body- by just lying down and putting my headphones in. I never consciously “relaxed” during the day; instead I let myself feel whatever feelings came up. I channeled all those feelings into “fertility energy.”
At the end of the month a miracle happened- I was pregnant. No donor eggs for this “infertile” girl. I’d healed myself naturally- without ever consciously relaxing. I was happy- but terrified I would lose the pregnancy like I had previously. I used Circle and Bloom’s Pregnancy program to help me manage the fear and had a beautiful healthy pregnancy. My sweet 14 month old toddler is cuddled next to me as I write this post. I’m still not “relaxed” but I sure am happy! We’re starting to think about trying for another, and you can be sure I’ll use Circle and Bloom again.
Baby dust to all!
Anna blogs at tomakeamommy.com about how she healed her “infertility” naturally. She shares fertility information and inspiration, as well as chronicles her own fertility journey. Her goal is to inspire and inform women struggling with decreased fertility to empower themselves and take control of their “baby journey” back from the doctors. She believes that each individual is their own best healer, and that we should meditate before we medicate!