Guest blog by Ainsley Lawrence, a freelance writer from the Pacific Northwest.
Whether you’re married, you’ve been with your partner for a while, or you’re just reaching a “certain age,” you might have already had to deal with TTC (trying to conceive) talk. Some women might deal with it repeatedly from family members who are eager to be grandparents, aunts, or uncles.
Unfortunately, family members asking about pregnancy and timelines can get uncomfortable very quickly. It’s important to know how to talk to the people you love about TTC. You might not know when you’ll be ready to have kids — or if you even want them. Being able to talk to your family about your needs and wants on the subject will help you avoid any unwanted awkward interactions in the future, and will keep you and your family on the same page.
With that in mind, let’s cover a few talking points you can use to make the conversations about TTC easier for everyone involved.
Setting Boundaries
Chances are, you have your own reasons for not having a baby at this very moment. Maybe you’re struggling with infertility issues, or maybe you’re waiting for other personal reasons. Whatever the case, it can be a difficult thing to talk about. That’s especially true if you want a child but you’re having a difficult time conceiving. For your own mental and emotional well-being, set healthy boundaries with your family members when it comes to the subject. You can start by:
- Putting your needs first
- Being direct but kind
- Setting realistic expectations
- Avoiding gossip
If there are certain family members who continue to push the subject, you can let them know more firmly that you’re not going to be discussing it. If that means you need to spend less time around those people for a while, that might be the best way to avoid having uncomfortable conversations.
More often than not, though, family members will respect your requests. Don’t be afraid to speak up.
Giving the Right Information
It’s not uncommon for some family members to think they need to know every last detail about you. It can be especially difficult for parents to “give up” the idea that they aren’t entitled to your personal information. It can even be a hard thing for you to accept. Have you ever felt guilted into giving your family members information you weren’t really comfortable giving?
It’s okay to keep some things to yourself or to keep them between you and your partner. If you don’t want to directly tell a family member that you don’t want to discuss your private information, try some different strategies to avoid the subject, like:
- Using humor to get out of it
- Dodging uncomfortable questions
- Disarming them with honesty
You can even choose to educate certain family members on the struggles people often go through with infertility. If you’re having trouble conceiving, you don’t need to provide every last detail of your personal life. But, talking about fertility issues and even offering some statistics will quickly make those people “back off.” They might even feel a bit of guilt that they’ve been asking so much, which shouldn’t be your goal, but it’s likely they won’t bring it up again. Your family isn’t out to hurt you, but when they’re uneducated about something, that kind of ignorance can be offensive.
Taking Care of Yourself
If you’ve decided to put off having children, it might be easier to talk to people about your reasons. However, if you’re dealing with infertility issues, TTC talk can be incredibly stressful. The more you feel like you have to talk about it, the more it can wear on your confidence and self-esteem.
One of the best things you can do if you’re dealing with infertility is to take care of yourself. That includes doing things to boost your self-esteem, like not comparing yourself to others. You can also stay positive by focusing on self-care. Prioritize getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, and exercising. Find ways to de-stress and relax every day, even if it’s only for a few minutes. Keeping your mind and body healthy throughout the TTC process can prepare you for just about anything.
Finally, lean on your partner. Remember that although you might be the one struggling to carry a child, they’re just as invested. They’re going through the same challenges and ups and downs, and they understand what you’re dealing with better than anyone. Not only should you be leaning on them during difficult times, but you can discuss strategies together for how to communicate with your family. Knowing someone is in your corner and has your back, especially when you’re dealing with awkward conversations, will make a big difference.
Talking to your family about TTC can be difficult. Keep these tips in mind no matter where you are on your journey, and you’ll feel more supported and less pressured.
Ainsley Lawrence is a freelance writer from the Pacific Northwest. She is interested in better living through technology and education. She loves traveling to beautiful places and is frequently lost in a good book.
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