Are You Really in Control?

Guest Blog by Katie Ryan, a Fertility Coach, guiding couples through pregnancy preparation and fertility solutions.

They say becoming pregnant is the ultimate act of letting go. But what if you’re not good at letting go? What if you prefer to be in control?

I see so many clients who are super-organized about having a baby. They’ve researched it out the wazoo and whatever is worth doing, they’ve done it. They’re on top of the vitamins (practitioner prescribed of course), they take their temperature every morning and know when they ovulate, they schedule sex in their calendars and keep their partner on track.

They eat well, exercise and do all the right things. They’re in control of every variable that can be controlled to help bring on that big fat positive.

But it comes at a price.

When we think we’re in control we can actually be getting in our own way. The illusion of control makes us think we’re being useful but many of my clients use it to distract themselves from the real reason they haven’t conceived yet.

Keeping busy with all the doing means no time for feeling all those emotions under the surface. Those emotions are the reason your baby hasn’t come through, not because you forgot your multivitamin yesterday or accidentally drank real coffee instead of decaf.

The real skill comes not in being organized and in control, but in having the courage to look into your heart and face your fears, then feel your way through your emotions to the other side.

Imagine yourself behind the wheel of a car. You have somewhere important to be but looking ahead, all you can see is a line of traffic. Looking in your rear vision mirror you see more of the same. You’re almost stationery, in danger of being overtaken by the proverbial tortoise.

Imagine yourself gripping the steering wheel and feel the tension in your hands and arms, trying to move your car forward with the power of your mind. Feel your posture, upright with impatience.Your breathing is shallow and your chest feels tight. All you can think is “what the heck is the delay? Why me? Why now? Can we please just get on with it?” Aargh the frustration!

If you had to describe how you feel in that car in one word, would it be stressed? You might have planned your route and done all the right things to keep your car clean and well-maintained but that hasn’t helped you avoid this traffic jam.

What if you took your hands off the wheel for a moment and let them fall into your lap. Take your next breath in deeper than the last. Let your shoulders drop away from your ears.

Could you be here for a reason? What if you’re not quite ready to arrive at your destination, or what if the delay allows time for something undesirable to be moved out of your path? Be open to knowing why things are taking so long.

Being in control takes a heck of a lot of brainpower, energy and resources. The constant planning, what if-ing and organizing is exhausting and stressful, and of course stress is the number one enemy of conception.

Stress comes from being in your head but making a baby comes from being in your body, trusting your intuitive gut instincts and feeling complete faith in yourself deep in your heart.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s still up to you to prepare yourself physically by eating well, doing some exercise and so on, but let that preparation come from a place of calm assuredness rather than frantic worry. Let your heart and intuition give you the guidance that your head can then put into practice.

Prepare then let go. Take your hands off the wheel and let the universe take control.

Are You Really in Control? - Katie RyanKatie Ryan is a Fertility Coach, guiding couples through pregnancy preparation and fertility solutions. She believes in a world where babies choose their parents, your body is your best friend, and intuition is golden. When she’s not bringing parents and babies together, you can find her tending to kale in her backyard, meditating with a cat on her lap, or making healthier versions of her favorite desserts.

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