Riding the TTC roller-coaster every month can get very exhausting, depressing and very frustrating. The first two weeks are spent turning the let-down from the previous month into cautious optimism around the time of ovulation and then thinking maybe this month? Could it be? Is that some tenderness in my breast? And then, BFN: the let-down all over again.
Where do we put all of this energy? It’s got to go somewhere, so does it stay locked up inside rattling around like a caged animal? If we let it stay inside, what kind of pressure is it putting on our bodily functions? I believe strongly that we have a choice here – and the choice needs to be to LET IT OUT.
As Candace Pert Ph.D. explains “I believe that all emotions are healthy, because emotions are what unite the mind and the body. Negative emotions are just as healthy as positive. When we deny or do not express our negative emotions and they do not run its course, causing stress in the system to build that could create harmful blockages.” BLOCKAGES are the last thing we need while trying to conceive, right?
Here are some insightful ways to release this pent-up anger:
- Pay attention to your thoughts – don’t judge, just listen. When we start to be conscious and aware of our thought patterns, a shift automatically begins to happen. Become aware. The easiest way to do that is to try to stay in the present moment.
- Talk with trusted friends or family members. Call it a bitch session. You may even want to tell your friend to just listen and not talk. Let it out. Yell, scream, cry – even if you don’t make any sense. Do it for YOURSELF.
- Keep a journal / blog. This has been a life-changer for me personally. Very similar to number 1 above, when you start journaling and recording your thoughts, you start to become more and more aware of them and therefore more in control. I don’t have any rules around my journal – I just write what I feel like writing, when I feel like writing. If you want to be more public with your feelings then start a blog – and let us know when you do because we’d love to follow you.
- Conscious breathing. It is said that the easiest way to the present moment – where there really are no problems you can’t deal with – is to start to become consciously aware of your breathing. This can be the start of deep relaxation and mediation as well – which is the way we start each Circle + Bloom program. Becoming more aware of your body allows you to become more aware of your mind and thoughts.
- Visualization of the anger and then letting it go. When in deep relaxation, like what we do during our programs, you can go inside your imagination to let yourself do anything. You might want to visualize your anger collecting inside, going round and round and then coming out through your a deep out-breath, and then that anger becoming a helium balloon and just floating away. It could be that simple.
- Drawing, sketching, creating something while focusing on the anger. One of the ways into our subconsciousness is through the expression of art. This is one of Bernie Siegel’s tricks that he does with his patients. He believes that this is an excellent way to uncover hidden truths to be able to deal with our emotions for healing. Take a plain piece of paper, and sketch and color whatever comes to mind when reflecting on your infertility. Come back to it a few days later to study it and let your intuition guide you inside its secrets. But, please don’t judge the way it looks!
- Loud music and singing at the top of your lungs. I haven’t done this in a while, but boy can it be cathartic. Shut the door, blast the music and sing along at the top of your lungs.
- Guided visualization and deep relaxation. Repeated, daily use of deep relaxation and guided visualization using our program or other programs can be incredibly therapeutic and enlightening. And it’s interactive – the guided visualization exercises are just signposts – helping you to a place of your own. Part of each session is an emotional exercise of sorts – you can take it wherever it makes sense for you at that particular time of your cycle.
- Exercise. Get the blood pumping and then allow your anger to come through. I recently was riding on my bike when I starting thinking of something that really confused and scared me…with the bike moving at a fast pace, I just let it out. I allowed myself to cry while riding that bike and it felt great.
- Join a support group. The non-profit organization called RESOLVE (www.resolve.org) is an excellent resource to find local support groups. I would highly expect that any group related to infertility will have women who are experiencing this pain and frustration as you are. When we can identify with others going through what we are, it seems to validate and give credence to our feelings – again, allowing it to move and change within.
Above all, let yourself experience it. Try not to deny it. Create an environment where the anger can shift, change and move around. It’s healthy and above all know that it’s OK to have these negative emotions.
What are some of the ways that you deal with ups and downs of trying to conceive?